July/August 2012
It’s the latest pub talk in the Old Port. What would you do with House Island–if you could pony up the $4.85 million to buy it?

John Cougar Mellencamp toured Clapboard Island in Falmouth Foreside after we came out with our “Dream Islands” story one summer. He didn’t buy it because it was a little too close to shore. John, have we got an island for you. House Island is so big you could even build your own Tastee Freez out here. Winter over during a few Nor’easters and see if the thrill of living is gone.

Stephen King once called us to ask, “Is Daisy’s Place still for sale?” after we’d run a feature on Channelside. The John-Calvin-Stevens-designed mansion boasts grand views of House Island from below a stand of graceful birches on the Portland ship channel. Think of it, Frightmeister. You could buy House Island, go big, and go home.

No? How about this? House Island could be a place of dispute resolution. The Hunger Games, New England-style. Settle some old scores and new rivalries. You could put the boosters of the Portland String Quartet vs. members of The Lark Society for Chamber Music out there and watch the fur fly. Holy guacamole! How about the staff at Margaritas on St. John Street vs. the ownership team of Union Station Shopping Plaza (who’ll have your car towed if you park in their immediately adjacent lot, even at night when the lot is all but empty, and venture inside the restaurant for a chimichanga and chips)? What about Cheverus girls’ soccer vs. Catherine McAuley?

How many millions did we spend making Ocean Gateway? Some might consider House Island a ‘found’ Ocean Gateway. No dredging required.

Couldn’t we, the citizens of Portland, buy it? Now that would be a berth for the carrier JFK (or name your other tourism dream).

In any case, an era is over. House Island will no longer be owned by the legendary local family of caretakers who’ve been such caring and careful stewards here, according to a local lobsterman’s joke, “they’ll [absorb] your mooring [into their inventory] if a storm cuts it loose and it floats onto one of their beaches,” in true Yankee tradition. Perhaps the inspiration for our beloved Portland Pirates?

So let’s get back to what we’re best at–thinking small. Relocate the Cumberland County Jail out there. Hey, somebody’s got to appreciate the sea breeze.

What’s your idea? Email us: staff@portlandmonthly.com.